LiNCOLN PARK

Called a 'gifted writer' by the prestigious, RAWSISTAZ Book Reviewers; as well as a special combination of -- Erma Bombeck's CRACK WIT, Tim Russert's CRACK RESEARCH, Merriam Webster's CRACK DEFINITIONS and a generally, CRACKED MIND -- LiNCOLN PARK's extraordinary literary style is controversial, cult and cutting-edge. As she frequently administers a more severe and disquieting pen than her contemporary literary counterparts, 4465 PReSS has taken unique initiative and placed the standard seal of PARENTAL ADVISORY on the front and back covers of all LiNCOLN PARK-penned books.

HANDLE TiME begins with a Digital Banker named Chase, on a stretcher; being hauled out of the DELSTAR BANK call center like a felled racehorse. As we leave Chase in the hospital emergency room with morphine and self-pity as her momentary sidekicks, we begin our exploration of the fantastic events which hinted at the formation of such personal and professional humiliation.

Nine months earlier, Chase, and several other individuals in the town of Banfield, MO; each decided to apply for jobs at the brand new, DELSTAR BANK call center. From the day they walked in the door of the severe, stone building and began training for positions as Digital Bankers, Chase; along with her team of unlikely comrades, became engulfed in a unique, impersonal culture of quality performance markers and powerpointed platitudes. Through their trials and tribulations, this dozen finds out in the end, that the DELSTAR call center environment provides its workers with more than just a bi-weekly paycheck. It was also the place where hearts, spirits, careers and personal aspirations could be broken and left to rot like so many eggs.

When she started at DELSTAR, Chase and her classroom cohorts were looking for financial stability; job security and a prestigious position that would help them all, raise the bar on their thankless, lower-middle class standard of living. So, they thought they could live with the abuses of callous call-in customers and the back-breaking dictates of marginalizing managers. Instead, they would quickly discover the heartbreak of not knowing if their jobs were safe, or had become last quarter's loss-column statistic. Some examples of DELSTAR'S quirky, clock-punching ilk are listed below:

Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, and Lilly Tomlin have nothing on Lincoln Park. Her book, HANDEL TiME, is (the movie)9 to 5 on crack rock! We all remember that type writer banging, coffee slinging, boss fondled, witty trio from the 80s movie which became a salute to the working woman!

Well, not much has changed these days in the way of office gossip despite the fact that we have to press one for English and spend more time on hold just trying to speak to an actual person. Lincoln Park's witty book drips with the over-the-top office drama, I'm sure a ton of us middle class Americans can relate to, like decaf from the lunchroom percolator.

Are you trapped in a cubicle all day tied to a phone taking calls from bitchy customers? Do you work Monday through Friday listening to wining dead beats about their overdrawn bank balances? Are order entry and filing on your list of resume attributes? If you are sick of the water cooler humor and need someone outside of work who you can relate to, then buy this book!

We've all seen those humorous Youtube videos displaying dramatic office humor where employees snap and toss their computer monitors across the room, but those vids probably aren't far from the truth. Meet Chase, Lincoln's central character whose had enough! We barely get to know the poor girl as a character before she's hauled out of the office on a stretcher.

But strap yourself in, because this roller coaster ride of a read is about to take you into the world of corner offices and cubicles which you probably didn't know existed, and definitely don't want to. Flash back to Chase and her friends landing top positions at Delstar Bank call center. Destined to beat standard middle class living outside of their bi-weekly paychecks, these trainees end up with more than they bargained for on their climb up the corporate ladder.

Like many of us, we kiss ass in interviews and wear a nice suit, only to become shackled to a desk with carpel tunnel and a telephone that won't stop ringing. It's the gossip and office drama away from our desk that helps beat the monotony of the day, but is that worth the bad wages we make and the abuse we put up with from customers? It's enough to drive anyone postal, and this author's in-your-face attitude will have you questioning, "is this worth 8 hours of my time each day?"

Dead beat coworkers with poor work ethics, pouty pregnant women whose men left them, computer geeks who know too much, fat chicks with low self-esteem... this book is chock full of colorful characters from cold CEOs to office supply stealing freaks. On one page, your heart is full of sympathy and you are rooting for the underdog, on the next page you find you are the underdog.

At 196 pages, Ms. Park's book makes the sitcom, The Office, look like a cake walk. If you've ever hung up the phone for holding too long or cussed at the illiterate in India and demanded they get an American on the phone, or if you've ever been that employee on the other end of the line, then this book is for you! Taking office humor to a whole new level, I commend Lincoln Park on her tongue in cheek farce about the cubicle culture most of us wake up to everyday.

Hey you! Put down those post-its and stop sniffing your whiteout. And read this book!