After my wife of twenty-nine years was killed by a drunk driver, a dear friend gave me a copy of this book on grief. My friend's recommendation of the book carried weight with me because of her own tragic loss when her son was killed in a house fire about nine years ago. If the book helped her sort things out, maybe it could do the same for me.
Sure enough, the book was IMMENSELY...
more After my wife of twenty-nine years was killed by a drunk driver, a dear friend gave me a copy of this book on grief. My friend's recommendation of the book carried weight with me because of her own tragic loss when her son was killed in a house fire about nine years ago. If the book helped her sort things out, maybe it could do the same for me.
Sure enough, the book was IMMENSELY helpful to me. Nouwen has a way of cutting through the BS of conventional thinking with all of its cliches and meaningless traditions to get to the true insights about God, emotions, spirituality, and where they all intersect. It was extremely helpful to read of grief being, not certain phases I was going to encounter in a prescribed order, but rather as ongoing waves that will pretty much continue the rest of my life. Like a ring around the finger, it will come back again--as it does and has, now, a year and a half later.
One quick disclaimer to anyone reading Nouwen after a loss: his insights about grief will be extremely helpful, but don't become enslaved to every jot and tittle of his point of view. Nouwen emphasizes very strongly the importance of "going through" the grief experience and not trying to run or hide from it.
Well enough.
However, sometimes God's healing of our wounded heart will involve other people and times of distraction. See, at times I almost got the feeling he was saying the desire to be around other people, the attempt to find relief from the unbelievably great loneliness after such a loss was somehow not good, that it would totally frustrate or nullify what God was trying to do through my grieving process. I got the feeling he was saying that I would loose the great "lesson" I was supposed to learn.
Insight to be gained from facing our grief?
Yes--absolutely.
Value of times of being alone and learning to deal with life in contemplation?
Sure, you bet.
Moral obligation to remain alone or caught up in sorrow and loneliness?
No, I don't think so. "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone...'" (Gen. 2:18)
And in all fairness, Nouwen may never have intended his writings to be inferred that way. However, it came across to me that way, even if only because of my skewed thinking at the time.
So, yes, read the book, find meaning and help in your time of loss through Nouwen's keen insight. But just remember that he is not God, and you don't have to endure loneliness for God's sake, or for the sake of your growth.
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